The Frozen Grey BMW M3. Seriously?

2011 BMW Frozen Gray M3

Even people that don’t like BMW’s, will admit that the M3 is a sweet car. And, why not?

It’s deceptively good looking. You can squeeze your kids in the back seat. Then make them car-sick with the M3’s insane power.

It’s the perfect car for the well-heeled dad…who refuses to grow up.

And to celebrate the brute’s 25th birthday, BMW is building 30 limited edition M3’s.

The commemorative cars are equipped with a special red & black Novillo leather interior, the M code DCT double-clutch transmission, and something called Competition Package. Which includes electronic shock control, a lowered suspension, and a whole lot of race-type program settings for the transmission, differential, and traction control/ABS computers.

Oh, and it gets a set of unique 19 inch wheels too.


Now, an ordinary man might surmise that the new M3 is…basically a laptop computer…with a 414 horsepower, V8 processor.

And that begs the question; without computers, could this 3,700 lb car go in a straight line?


What happened to bits of steel, that was placed at a mathematic-le angle, to balance the weight of the car…as Johnnie Lightning pushed his racer into a corner?

It only took…gravity, for that archaic system of springs and roll bars to work. This BMW has to rely on…a computer. Which as we all know, can “act up”.

So, what happens if the computer has a “glitch” as you’re rounding a bend, at your BMW Club’s…annual “owners race”…in the abandoned K Mart parking lot…5 years from now?

Will you be hurled into the old K Mart building, and impaled on a rusty shopping cart? Only time will tell the long-term safety of these systems.

But, let’s get back to the Frozen M3.

It’s special because it has a primer matte-grey finish.
No clear-coat.
Just flat grey.

Like your poor neighbor’s van.


Anyway, BMW is making these 30 style-challenged buyers sign a ‘maintenance agreement’ that promises the owner will;

Never polish or wax their Frozen Grey M3

Never run it through an automatic car wash

Never ‘strongly rub’ it…in an erotic way

No kidding. A kitten could…vandalize the paint.

Only BMW could make a car that you want to drive…but can’t…for warranty reasons.

What do you think of the BMW Frozen Gray M3? Be sure to cast your vote in the poll to the right.

  1. It has a clear coat. Unlike the rattle can Civic down the street professionals do matte finishes by using a matte clear over a normal, colored base.

  2. are you serious with this article? you think that a computer makes this car go in a straight line?

    if this was true – then any car with stability control and/or traction control (which means you also have ABS) would require the same (a computer to operate). you do realize you can defeat all of the "driver aids" (what they are called in real life by pressing a button? why do you hate BMW so much?

    let me name some other car's that have computers that "assist" the driver: oh, wait – every single car that has stability control, which is about 99% of the cars sold today.

    this isn't a gt-r or a porsche 911 turbo with AWD – with torque vectoring (which DOES actually steer the vehicle) – this is a rear wheel drive sports car that won't ever just "decide" to crash into something because you think computers don't have failsafes. this isn't the matrix – this is the real world. quit acting like FOX and trying to put false ideas into people's heads for fear mongering reasons.

    you are either nuts, or dumb. or a combination of both.

    maybe someday your computer that you are typing on will decide to eat you because you are typing too hard on the keyboard. (this is your logic)

    that's about how much sense this article makes/made.

    you go from computers to cars to paint to kittens to "what do you think folks?". you need to go back to school is what i think.

    1. Maybe it's just my interpretation, but I think what Teddy is trying to say here is that enthusiast cars in general (and probably all cars,) are simply controlled too much by computers nowadays and too little by the driver. When you have a 400+ horsepower sports car being controlled by a computer, it still doesn't take much skill to drive the thing. It's point-and-shoot. Without computers, back in "the day," you used to have to know how to drive these cars.

      1. okay, if that's the point he was trying to make, then he should have made a whole different post.

        i came to this page to read about the "odd" disclaimer you have to sign regarding the car's special paint, but instead of reading about this – i am reading crap about computers in cars killing people. even in jest, this is just ridiculousness (scaring people/giving out false information without any factual data).

        i have an M3 – and it takes skill to drive this car well. yes, any person can get in and drive it – but to take full advantage of the car's dynamics/drive it "well/fast" – you need to turn off driving aids (as in most sports cars these days, as you allude to). in no way, shape or form will the computer (when DCS is turned off) stop snap over steer, correct the car's angle when coming into a turn too hot, etc..

        most, if not all, true sports cars have electronics that can be defeated – without these electronics, they are not point and shoot by any means. moreover, these electronics, while on, will not randomly decide to open the throttle midway through a corner – kill the brakes – turn the steering wheel a full turn, etc. in order to kill the driver. this is just nonsense, and impossible nonsense at that.

        i do agree that back in the day, a high horsepower car REQUIRED a good driver to keep you safe, these days all you need is a driver capable of … well, driving… one thing about the M3 though – is it's VERY capable – even in the hands of a novice due to its flat low torque curve (relative to other cars) yet high output due to its high operating range (over 8000 revs). again, it's what makes this car an M and not a Mustang…

        if this is a bad thing, i need to stay out of this forum. 🙂

        1. Yes, in the M3 you can indeed turn off all of the electronic "nannies," but sadly that's not the case in a surprising amount of sports cars. Even in performance mode, sport mode, dsc off, whatever they call it, a lot of them still have a level of nanny control on to "protect" the driver, despite your wishes. Personally, I won't buy a car where I can't turn it off.

          By the way, here's my personal review of the M3 Convertible 🙂

          2010 BMW M3 Convertible Review

          You'll see it's quite favorable – I really do like the car.

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