There’s a lot of people around who just don’t get it. People who are SO tone deaf, they’ll persist in telling that too funny joke about the Rabbi even though everyone at the company party is now staring at them in mute horror. They are the David Brents of this world, and if David Brent ran a German touring house, this just might be his latest project.
For those of you who can’t quite place the name, David Brent in the character superbly played and realized by Ricky Gervais in the original British version of TV’s “The Office”. Course, aggressively stupid, bigoted as the day is long and completely insufferable to all those around him (save his best friend Finchy), Brent is immediately loathsome, mainly because we all recognize him. All of us have had to deal, at some point in our lives, with mid-level management suck-ups of the worst kind, and if they have a deity, Mr. Brent would be the assistant to the acolyte in charge of PR for that particular demi-God.
Now imagine if David Brent was given an aftermarket tuning company, let’s say, and why not, that it’s a German tuning company that specializes in making Audis even more potent performers.
Say that company, let’s call it AVUS Performance, decided to gin up a version of Audi’s RS6. And they do pull out all the stops.
The RS6 has a new, 70mm diameter high performance exhaust system, racing catalysts and a new ECU software. The thing cranks out up to 700bhp and a mind blowing 589.97 lb/ft of torque. 0-60 in 3.9s, 0-120 in 12.1s and the RS6 is electronically limited at 211.27mph to not overstress the tires of the V10 biturbo mill crammed into the engine bay.
All this power gets to the ground via Avus Performance 22″ wheels in the classic Sportec Mono 10 design. Lowering springs which drop the car by 40mm, improving handling and making the car much more agile. A carbon front-lip and a rear diffuser are the icing on the white cake.
It’s at this point they look across the conference room table at their version of David Brent (although a screw up this monumental was probably done by committee, the best FUBARs are always group efforts), and says, “OK David, what should we call it?”
Without a moments hesitation, our hypothetical Herr Brent answers: “White Power!!!”
AVUS: “Sorry About That WHITE POWER Thing, It Was The Translator”
Well THAT didn’t take long. Not 24 hours after I wrote about German Audi tuner AVUS releasing a 6-series pumped up to within an inch of its life and dubbed the WHITE POWER (all caps for some unfathomable reason), someone finally sat them down and explained why that might not have been the best of names for their latest creation, all things considered.
Just to recap, and it’s worth looking at because this car is not only SERIOUSLY built, but it’s a frickin’ wagon, the WHITE POWER started out life as an already impressive Audi RS6 Avant. AVUS decided to add things like new, 70mm diameter high performance exhaust system, racing catalysts and a new ECU software. The thing cranks out up to 700bhp and a mind blowing 589.97 lb/ft of torque. 0-60 in 3.9s, 0-120 in 12.1s and the RS6 is electronically limited at 211.27mph (211+ for a wagon? and that’s what they limit it too? Crazy.) to not overstress the tires or the V10 biturbo mill crammed into the engine bay. All this power gets to the ground via AVUS Performance 22″ wheels in the classic Sportec Mono 10 design. Lowering springs which drop the car by 40mm, improving handling and making the car much more agile. A carbon front-lip and a rear diffuser are the icing on the white cake.
And the whole thing was done up in white, so you can see why AVUS said to themselves, ‘It’s white. It’s got a lot of power, hey why don’t we name it … ‘ Sadly, they didn’t check on how that would translate, it would seem.
The German company issued an official statement a few hours ago apologizing to those that were offended. The tuning firm said that it was a matter of mistranslation from German to English and blamed their press agency. AVUS also said that the car would be renamed simply to Audi RS6 V10 biturbo. No, not the most inventive of names, and you know, they probably cold have sold one or two of the originals in places like Hayden Lake Idaho, but hey, at least AVUS realized what the hell they did wrong, owned up to it, and did something to rectify the problem.
Now, I’ll completely forgive them if they can arrange a test drive for me.