Most likely, today will be the worst day of your life. Everything bad that could possibly happen to you will . . . and then some.
You will be late, spill coffee, get stuck in an elevator, miss your client meeting, get a rejection letter, lose your keys, get jammed in traffic, receive a flat tire in that traffic, drop your phone down the toilet, find out your significant other wants “to talk” later, learn you are deficient in most nutrients and have to go, unexpectedly, to the DMV, through a flood of zombies.
That will just be the first half of the day . . .
Yet, with the right automobile, the devices commonly associated with bad luck on Friday the 13th are nothing more than mere wives’ tales; ludicrous half truths promptly shut down because of the right set of keys. When encountering these common symbols of disaster on Friday the 13th, here are the vehicles to consider . . .
Never trust anything that seeks attention then makes you the bad guy when obliging. A horde of midnight shaded felines crowding the road is enough to ensure panic and perspiration in even the most seasoned driver. They thought the cows were bad in O Brother, Where Are Thou? but that’s nothing compared to an army of kitties.
With one of these vehicles, it won’t matter how many black cats try and cross your path. You can easily swerve around them, effectively leaving bad luck and all its ill effects in the rear-view mirror.
Ford Mustang Laguna Seca
Chevrolet Corvette Z06
Porsche Boxster S
Similar to black cats, ladders pop out of nowhere on Friday the 13th. I make a point not to paint houses on Friday the 13th or shingle a roof. I also forgo watching pro wrestling. Never know when a ladder match might pop up.
Well it’s time to knock ladders down . . . wait for it . . . a rung or two. HA! Get it? When I encounter ladders on Friday the 13th, I simply drive right through them. I laugh at their pathetic wooden construction and if a broken rung flies across my windshield, I hit the wipers and keep on truckin’ like I have never trucked before.
When ladders pop out in front of you, consider one of these vehicles to mow them down . . .
Land Rover Defender
Dartz Prombon Monaco
Oldsmobile Delta 88
The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in North Carolina estimates about 17 million people fear Friday the 13th but having one of the vehicles above removes you from that statistic. In truth, no matter what you drive, today probably won’t be that bad. And there is little, if any, credible evidence 13 is an unlucky or terrifying number anyway.
So enjoy the day . . .
Tell us your worst Friday the 13th story or give us more car recommendations for surviving the day here!
Boxter Photo Credit: Porsche Cars North America
Marauder Photo Credit: Paramount Group
Disclaimer: I’ve actually had an awful day. Cheer me up: firstname.lastname@example.org