Hot on the heals of GM filing for bankruptcy (gulp!!) comes some the welcome good news that The General has finally found a buyer for Hummer. Hummer sales have been in a free fall for months and month, and the last time I looked, they were down over SIXTY percent. So the sale of Hummer must come as welcome news to GM shareholders … hey, that’s us!

So who bought Hummer? No, it is not Ahnuld, der Governator (a noted big fan of the mil-spec trucks) actually it’s … a mystery at this time. All General Motors will say is that they have entered into a memorandum of understanding (AKA an MoU to you MBA FYC out there, OK?) with a buyer for HUMMER (looks like it’s another one of those all-caps brands). The sale “is the result of GM’s strategic review of the HUMMER brand and the company’s ongoing restructuring efforts.”

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No, it’s no joke, and no, I’m not kidding, someone is really making a Hummer Hybrid. And seriously, my first thought was, “I bet Schwarzenegger just LOVES this.” See, the Governator has a penchant for big SUVs, but he’s also more than a little bit green. For example, he has FOUR Mercedes G-wagens, but he’s converted them to run on bio-D. So when a hybrid Hummer started popping up on the web, my first thought was that Ahnuld would buy one. My second thought was a bit more bloody-minded. More along the lines of, “Great, tell the American public we can have our cake and eat it too, and we’re well on the road to ending up like the people on Wall-E.”

So what gives? Are they serious about this, or is it just some shade tree project.

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According to an interview with Automotive News, Troy Clarke, GM’s North American president, General Motors will keep its promise to Congress to drastically cut costs AND brands. Clarke said that GM will now focus its “product and marketing resources” on Buick, Chevrolet, Cadillac and GMC.

That means Pontiac, Saturn, Saab and HUMMER face an uncertain future at best, or the chopping block for sure. HUMMER will most likely be sold off or cut entirely (a 60+% drop in sales can do that for a division). Saab probably faces the same fate. GM said it would sell or close Saturn. Since no one has yet stepped forward with cash, or even interest in Saturn, their future is not at all certain. So the rumors that Saturn would be folded in with Chevy or possibly Pontiac seem to be untrue.

Speaking of Pontiac, Bob Lutz said to Automotive News that Pontiac will shrink to offering only four models: the G8, G5, Vibe and Solstice. This news jives with what GM said to congress about making Pontiac a niche brand.

So, it looks like severe times are indeed ahead for what was once the largest, greatest car company on the planet. But let’s get serious for a second … after the jump.

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Well there’s an ugly picture.

60%

Dear God, what must it be like in the boardrooms of the Hummer division these days? It must look like something from the villas in the Palatine Hills when the Goths came knocking at the door.

60%

Imagine if your salary had dropped 60% since Christmas.

Then again, you can also say that this is not all that surprising. I bet if you were to graph Hummer sales and gas prices, they’d pretty much match up.

I look at Hummers as being a really limited use vehicle. Who needs something like this? Ranchers, search & rescue teams, people like that. If you’re a soccer mom and bought one because it made you feel “safe”, then I have little sympathy for the hundreds of dollars you have to pour into the tank every other day.

I only know one person who owns a Hummer, and, they also need it.

A good friend of mine from college is from Anchorage Alaska. Her dad runs an outdoor outfitters store, sort of like a local REI-type deal for people that hike into The Denali and such like. After his brother unexpectedly passed, he decided to offset his sorrows by purchasing a Hummer - an H-1, military grade model in “Desert Storm Beige.”

I asked my friend Mel (who weighs 112 pounds soaking wet and could barely bench press an iPod) what the Hummer is like.

“It’s GREAT! No one messes with me when I drive that thing, let me tell ya. All those yuppies that move up here looking for that Final Frontier crap just scatter in their puny little SUVs just scatter when you pull out onto the street. Kinda hard to stop in the snow though … ”

Maybe if Hummer can refocus their efforts to more Northern climes, their sale figure could improve. But I doubt it … the brand is Doomed.

Not getting enough attention in your boring old Hummer H2? GeigerCars has your answer. With an “ugly as sin” paint job and ridiculous (on the Hummer) gull-wing doors, there is no doubt you will get all the attention you want, good and bad.

A dumb looking paint job isn’t the only thing you get for your $168,000. GeigerCars also adds huge “bling-bling” 30-inch wheels, and by the way, you can also configure the doors to open normally or vertically like a guillotine. You get a Pimp My Ride-esque interior, including Carbondesign applications, color-coded instruments and a multimedia system including a navigation system, DVD player, TV receiver and two LCD-screens which are integrated in the dashboard and a specially designed roof console.

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