5 Best Vehicles to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

What a wonderful evening for you and your date, now strolling along after seeing the latest romantic comedy.  It’s a picture perfect moment of true love about to be suddenly interrupted by a crazed maniac leaping from the alley!

He snarls and takes a hefty bite right out of your date!

You run him off and turn back to your lover, now motionless on the sidewalk.

“Baby, are you okay?”

There is some movement and you breathe a sigh of relief…but then she tries to take a bite out of you!  Her teeth snap with dilated eyes enraged and deathly coloring filling her veins.    It’s the zombie apocalypse and it has effectively ruined your evening.

"Come give me a kiss lover!"

“Come give me a kiss lover!”

Bummer…

What to do?

Many who have survived a zombie outbreak will spew all sorts of well-meaning recommendations.  “Get a gun,” they say or “stock up on food and supplies.”  Others insist on a fortified stronghold, like a large farm house, building or bunker.  All good advice but I am going to encourage an automobile first.  When legions of undead crave your tasty flesh, only dependable wheels will help you hence forth outta Dodge.

Here are Automoblog’s top 5 picks when zombies attack.

#5 – Ford F-150 SVT Raptor

When cities overrun with masses of organ eaters, high ground is prime real estate.  Mountains, hills and desert plateaus will serve best because of the vantage point they allow.  In the wide open areas of nature, you will see zombies coming from miles away and have ample time to react.

The Ford F-150 SVT Raptor is a natural zombie destroying machine.

The Ford F-150 SVT Raptor is a natural zombie destroying machine.

It takes a solid 4×4 to reach the high ground but The Raptor can claw her way there patently.  The 6.2, 411 horsepower, 434 lb.-ft. of torque, V8 won’t hurt anything either – in case you need to blow through a swarm of brain seekers on the way to the great outdoors.

#4 – Hummer H1 Alpha

Although the H1 Alpha had limited production, zombies blocking your route will wish the EPA stopped this mammoth from ever coming off the assembly line.  The chassis is modified high strength steel accompanied by a Duramax Diesel engine and a 5 speed Allison transmission.

The Hummer H1 Alpha can practically tread water thanks to 16 inches of ground clearance and its climbing abilities are well documented.  Like I said, the high ground is prime real estate and a Hummer H1 Alpha is an optimal selection.

There are also runflat tires, an invaluable bonus.

Hummer H1 Alpha

While driving the H1 Alpha in a zombie infestation, repeated “clunk” sensations may be heard or felt. Do NOT be alarmed. This is normal.  The “clunk” is the undead coming into contact with the grille guard and being crushed by the tires.

 

#3 – Hyundai Zombie Survival Machine

Ninja blades on the wheels, extra-large battering ram, and barricaded windows make this the perfect vehicle for surviving the zombie onslaught. Hyundai even has an app and a website where you can create your own four wheeled zombie killer.

They affectionately refer to it as the Walking Dead Chop Shop.

#2 – “BEATNGU”

Getting your hands on this rusted treasure provides an incredible advantage.  The real driver of this truck may as well be the king of zombies, so when the undead see you race by, they will think you are their leader and forego attacking.

Laying on the horn will easily clear the path too.  Even during a zombie epidemic, there is bound to be one jack apple driving too slow.

Creeper Truck

“BEATNGU” is a 1941 Chevrolet COE (Cab Over Engine) with a V8 and automatic transmission.  To see its full capabilities, watch the first ten minutes or so of the 2001 motion picture, Jeepers Creepers.

#1 – Toyota Yaris

You laugh and think I am joking when I place this as number 1.  Actually nothing about this article is a joke.  Dismiss the Yaris but when zombies are snacking on your extremities like Beef Jerky, it will be too late to say “geez, maybe Carl was right.”  Enjoy walking around and eating brains because you neglected to use yours in seizing this little Armageddon fighter.

Having a massive vehicle, loaded with guns will only attract the hordes.  They are zombie magnets.  A smaller car, like the Yaris, will go completely unnoticed.

When zombies attack, fuel suddenly becomes currency as gas stations are overrun.  It’s a fact.  While larger vehicles may deliver a lot of power, they also burn through gasoline faster – further proving this stealthy little octane sipper belongs at the top of the list.

During zombie chaos, even the most open roads end up littered with cars, corpses, airplanes, downed power lines, leftover military blockades and various other random debris, like mannequins.  The larger the vehicle, the harder it is to move around all those obstacles. The Yaris will zip in and out in no time.

Fuel efficient and easy to maneuver in crowded spaces, the Toyota Yaris is best equipped to keep you alive when zombies annihilate the planet.

Fuel efficient and easy to maneuver in crowded spaces, the Toyota Yaris is best equipped to keep you alive when zombies annihilate the planet.

If there was ever solid relevance to the phrase “turns on a dime,” this is it.  Most likely, as you drive along in the zombie apocalypse you will come face to face with a mass of thousands, maybe millions – all hungry for you deliciously, precious epidermis.  There is no way to gun them all down and even the most powerful V8 won’t plow through them.

With the Yaris, you simply whip around and go the other way.  A three point turn vs. a quick U-turn is the difference between survival and becoming zombie breakfast.

Have you survived a zombie outbreak?  Let us know what car helped you!

Photo Credits
Zombie Girl Attribution: Dance Photographer Brendan Lally

Black Ford F-150 Raptor Attribution: By DiamondBack Truck Cover

Hummer H1 Attribution: Public Domain via Wikipedia by The Real Polymath

Creeper Truck Attribution: The Creeper’s Cousin

2013 Hyundai Elantra Coupe Zombie Survival Edition Video: Hyundai USA

Zombie Man Cover Image Attribution: By Franck BLAIS


Categories:: Car OpinionsEditorialsFordFunnyHummerHyundaiListModified cars


  • Doug_Jeffreys

    You are, as was expected, completely wrong with your choices and/or placement.
    Your top three shouldn’t even make into a “Top 100″ list let alone a Top 5, so here is a list in the proper order:

    5. At number five and replacing your ridiculous choice of the Toyota Yaris, I give you the Subaru Forester. With All-Wheel drive. A gas sipping 2.5 liter engine w/ manual transmission giving you 22 – 29 MPG. 8.7″ ground clearance and a 103.9″ wheelbase for a good turning radius, this little wonder will get you to your remote bug-out location and allow you to navigate tight spaces when you have to make those scavenging runs in the city.

    4. Coming in at number four to replace the BEATNGU (face it. finding any 1941 era vehicle in road-worthy condition is improbable at best) we have the Unimog. This is probably the only vehicle in existence that rolls off the factory floor ready for the apocalypse. With 16″ of ground clearance, Four-Wheel drive and a multitude of design configurations this truck will go around, over or through anything that gets in its way.

    3. At number three, the Jeep Wrangler replaces the “Hyundai Zombie Survival Machine” (let’s face it, this thing only works in a comic book). 8.8″ ground clearance (minimum). Jeep has been providing rugged, reliable 4×4’s since World War 2. This will get you over nearly any terrain and the two-door models can maneuver most tight spots you might encounter in the ruins of the urban environment.

    2. Ford F-150 4×4. with 8.8″ ground clearance (minimum), The F-series is the most popular pick-up truck ever. No matter what part of the country you live in, you will be able to get your hands on one. Throw a cap on the bed and you will be able to haul all the cargo you need to survive.

    1. Replacing the Hummer H1 Alpha is the venerable Chevy Suburban. With 9.1″ ground clearance (minimum), This is the original (and still the best) large SUV. Introduced in 1936 this impressive vehicle has been taking families on camping trips, hauling forest rangers through the wilderness and taking federal agents to the scene of the crime in style. With the ability to carry eight full size adults and/or impressive amounts of cargo this behemoth became nearly unstoppable with the introduction of four-wheel-drive in 1956. *Outfitted with a brush guard, heavy-duty winch, A roof-top cargo rack and puncture-proof tires or several cans of Fix-A-Flat and you have the perfect post-apocalypse survival vehicle.

    *You can install this gear on all of these vehicles

    • http://www.automoblog.net Christopher Burdick

      Thanks for your list @Doug_Jeffreys:disqus I can tell you’ve thought a lot about this :) When the zombie start coming by I’d want to be part of your crew!

      • Doug_Jeffreys

        I’m glad you liked it. I hope nobody was offended by the hyperbole in the first paragraph. It was intended as humor. I love everything about zombies and realized that a zombie apocalypse was a fun way to make folks think about disaster preparedness, be it natural or otherwise. Be safe and watch out for those ‘walkers’.

  • http://rearviewcamerareviews.com Skylo Jones

    What about the Matador Truck?

  • Carl

    Thank you all for your input! I am very thrilled to see you have not only read the article but taken the time comment. That means a lot to me as a writer ~ Carl

  • Phillip Bowman

    The introduction
    got me freaked out. I mean who would have expected such a picture of femme
    fatal to welcome you to this blog? The automobiles have been ranked according
    to their marketing concepts and I do not entirely agree with the order. All
    the same, kudos to the author making all of us read till the end and react.
    Bravo!

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